Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
