I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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