Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
