Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
