Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
