Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
