I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize