i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize