Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
