My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize