have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
