11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
