i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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