Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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