so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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