I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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