How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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