Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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