To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
