it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
