This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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