1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm bleeding and have questions
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize