She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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