I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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