Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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