im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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