I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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