you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
