I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I am midnight drunk by noon
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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