So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
