time to smoke my breakfast
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
