Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
should my penis look like a turkey
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
