Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found your dick twin last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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