why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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