My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The best revenge is premature balding
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
