So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
