Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
