where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
