I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
