Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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