I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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