Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
