I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
