But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
