guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
