If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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