Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
