honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
