I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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