we have pet lesbian snakes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
