If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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