woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
