put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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