I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
