my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
