She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I need to sanitize my soul.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
