The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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