just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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