I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
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