I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
