im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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