5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
