just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
