It's like God shit irony all over that family
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
