you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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