Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
