I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
