it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
