My liver just broke up with me...
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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