I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
