My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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